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Level: Medium


"You have to be strong.  Dawn, the hardest thing in this world is to live in it.  Be brave.  Live.  For me."

Buffy Anne Summers (emphasis ours),

Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1997-2003) TV show,

Season 5, Episode 22, 'The Gift',

Written by Joss Whedon


Suicide is the ultimate act of terrorism.  Take your personal view.  If you commit suicide.  If you stop your world then everything ceases to exist (for you you're taking your perspective).  In any view there's no way of proving to you that anything would still exist.  You are killing the omniverse.


It's quitting reality, for everA final, ultimate destruction of everything you've ever created.  See chapter Self-Creationism.  It is the last resort.  We hope and have faith that there's always a slightly different path to take, a door to try that could change things for the better.  So that choosing to end everything never, ever, has to happen.


One must be flexible enough for some deferred gratification.  Like crawling through a sewer for fun isn't the best plan, you don't do it, but to save oneself from imprisonment it may be 'worth' doing it.  Bending your rules for a good reason.  Living in the now is different from living for the now.  This must be tempered with, even though multiple limits may be breached, the sense to stick to your rules and self-imposed limits.  Method always matters.


Suicide is creating a moment of immense damage against oneself.  It's a moment of immense violence and perpetrated against oneself, not one's body, for in reality there is no practical difference.  A supertanker may appear to be headed for an iceberg but if you, the captain, don't remain on board you cannot be absolutely sure that it'd ever hit it.  Nothing's a given, a sure thing.  Every moment is an experience, every experience a benefit that enriches one, that progresses one.  It may now seem like you're caught in a pit of Zell but life can surprise you.  Every door hasn't been tried until it's been tried and there's an infinite number of doors, of paths to try.  Seek out your feeling for your natural instinct to survive.  Think about it logically if it'd help.


To exchange a moment of intense badness for a hope of a more bearable experience is wrong.  Method always matters.


Depression can be dealt with, it can be lived with, treated, survived.  Despair is fundamentally different.  Note, at least mentally, your despair on a scale of ten.  Ten being normal, without despair.  Two being time to start preparations for ending your life.  One being the time to be at peace with your decision, with your method at your immediate disposal.  Zero being time to enact your demise.  (Never get to zero!)  Give yourself a safeguard like imposing a lockdown; don't communicate, don't use the net, don't leave your home if your despair level is less than five.  Always be aware of your despair level if it's less than the standard ten.


Once you've started on your path, once you've started experiencing the positive changes to your life suicide becomes the antithesis of your life (no pun intended).  Your life is about progress.  Despair encroaches after ultra-prolonged, ultra-Attack.  Anything less and you can bat it away, say with a bottle of your favorite liquor plus a fatty snack.  Blocks to progress can occur yet usually only after significant progress has been made.  You therefore always have your progress to fall back on.  Most importantly you've developed your faith in yourself, and in your self-created reality.  This faith is what provides hope even when despair Attacks.  When it does, give yourself the time, 'buy' it using meds, for your underlying faith to bring you hope.  What's one more triplet (3ks or 3,000 secs or 50 mins) or one more day anyway?  You've nothing to lose, only another day of torture to endure, and you're obviously used to that by then.  You could end up gaining your entire life.  A life of never ending bliss with all your dreams, your goals, gradually manifesting over your infinite future.


Having seen even only glimpses of one's potential gives one eternal hope.  Just as Attack can prove its danger by having hit once, the goodness of life has proved its potential by having existed even only once.  Having experienced one happy day proves forever the potential of re-experiencing such a happy day again.  Having experienced the pleasure of completing a drawing, jogging for an hour, playing with chemicals or with math or with words, each proves forever the potential to recreate these experiences and quite possibly surpass them.


There is a perverse aspect to this feature of reality, that of the false pleasures of meds.  These lure one into an unhealthy, unnatural relationship with meds; plant & /or chemical.  You can only reach these pleasures again (psychedelics aside) with the use of more meds.  A craving naturally develops that spirals into or at the very least binds one to these meds.  This easily can quickly become an atrocious situation which one must find their way out of, with any external help they can get.  Opiate / opioid, like heroin, use is especially proficient at slipping one into a 'suicidal', early death.  See the examples of superstars Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, Corey Haim, Anna Nicole Smith, Heath Ledger, Chris Penn, Michael Jackson, The Artist Formerly Known As Prince, Marilyn Monroe, Whitney Houston, Althea Flynt, Elvis Presley, Philip Seymour Hoffman, et cetera.  Beware of all meds.


Unfortunately there's an extremely dark side to this forever-then-present possibility of achievement.  Having seen the possibilities in life, Attack can then forever torture one with this situation, keeping it now constantly out of reach.  One's body of comparison (see chapter Comparison) will always then have this level of the pleasure of achievement in its memory and be forever striving to reattain it.  Life can be dark and twisted, especially near Society.  Yet there's always something to perk up one's spirits; a shot of vodka, a bong of cannabis, a can of Coke, a bowl of beans, an episode of your fave TV show, a chocolate, a web movie with some microwave popcorn, a warm bath, a period of meditative peace, et cetera.


Implicitly your will is to survive.  Trust your instincts.  See chapter Faith In Oneself.


Death is not the EZ option.  Every moment of your life you've invested your most prized possession, your energy, in creating your world.  You mustn't (a word very rarely used in this book) destroy what you've invested your entire life in.  If you had the money you could consider experiencing burning a Benjamin but you wouldn't shred a $421 million dollar lottery ticket.  You'd know, even if you had to wait until you calmed down, that it'd be the stupidest of ideas (not that playing gambling group is sensible).  Life, reality, is yours.  It's always been yours.  Every moment you've made it more your own, more known, your knowledge and skills have naturally increased constantly.  Every moment since day one in the womb.  You can't let energy con you into trashing it all for nothing.  If you're feeling suicidal then there are serious issues which you need to immediately address, even if only by planning a better, more healthy, more enlightened life for yourself.  It means that there's aspects in your life which you do need to clear yourself of.  Certain habits, people, possessions, groups.  But not your entire life.  You can burn all your possessions, you can burn down your home (probably a crime), but don't immolate yourself.  You deserve the good in your reality.  You deserve the hope of a better tomorrow, a better reality.  Try it and see what you can do.  Like learning to walk, every small step is progress, and sometimes you fall back on your ass but that's what it's there for.  Don't push yourself too hard yet push yourself.  Don't push yourself too much, too often, yet push yourself.  You can change yourself, and your situation, which does change your world.  Nothing is EZ, yet progress, if you look closely enough and over a long term, is possible.  Keep the faith.  Trust yourself.  Your innate knowledge of what's good for yourself and your innate desire to make it happen, to make it manifest in your reality.  See chapter Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs): "Q.  I'm Depressed.  Help!"


One cannot die.  No-one has ever come back from the dead to give proof.  A billion people could die but it's all external, it's all delusion, it was never you.  If you're proven wrong, it's too late for it to matter anyway.  See chapter Use Science for more on longevity science.  Within traditional solipsism there can be no death, including no suicide, for death is a finite process where the individual is not around to witness the result and therefore cannot verify its success.  However we see reality as separate from self, a soul existing outside of reality.  Therefore reality can exist and, the opposite, not exist.  Reality not existing would be called death.


Suicide is a right.  Whether in cases of incurable, insufferable illness or for any other reason.


"Suicide is painless,

It brings on many changes,

And I can take or leave it if I please,

And you can do the same thing if you please."

MASH (1970) movie theme song,

Written by Mike Altman (Aged 14)